this is just a funny review I read about "Ask the Dust"

Who's in It: Colin Farrell, Salma Hayek, Donald Sutherland
The Basics: OK, so get this: Farrell plays a guy who doesn't have much luck with the ladies. Maybe I could buy that in a different parallel universe in which ugly people ended up in all the movies. Or if I hadn't already seen him, uh, intimate with a woman in real life (thanks, Internet!) and read about his countless sexploits in every single tabloid on Earth.

What's the Deal? I know, I didn't explain anything about the movie in "The Basics" above. It's a boring "noir" about a writer in 1930s Los Angeles, and about how Farrell falls in love with Hayek, who, in real life and on-screen, is like the female version of him, causing everyone she walks past to go, "Va-Va-VOOM!" So, yeah, what an unlikely couple. Getting these two together is going to require moody lighting, sullen glances and complex plot mechanics. Then they find a stray dog and live in lovey-dovey peace while I nap.

Pedigree: It's adapted from the novel by John Fante, and written and directed by Robert Towne, who wrote Chinatown, which is one of the greatest movies ever, for crying out loud. You'd think he'd know better.

What's Good About This Snoozer: OK, it's a great movie to stare at. It's got romantic, Depression-era good looks coming off it in big waves. And then there are Farrell and Hayek. Mirrors follow them around begging to be adopted. And Hayek does that thing where she's a "fiery Latina." That's always entertaining. But still, it's totally dull and average.